All White on the night: An update
Good old Jim White. Sky Sports’ Deadline Day king was only too happy to tell us on Tuesday that he was the man __with his ear to the ground, finger on the pulse, eyes on the prize etc and so on.
“What makes it a special day is getting that piece of information that other people have not got and breaking it live on air,” you will remember White saying yesterday. “Being first is key, and making sure it is accurate.
“Agents drop me messages trying to get airtime for their clients and saying their players might being going here or there. I also speak to managers and also chairman. I speak to them a lot. They tell me what direction the deals are going.”
So how many of White’s five transfer tips came in? Did Ashley Young go to West Brom? Did Wilfried Zaha end up at Tottenham? Was Leonardo Ulloa holding up a Sunderland shirt? Is Scott Hogan a West Ham player? Did Chelsea “spend big”?
No, no, no, no and no; exactly as we thought.
Buzzing to do all this hogwash again in seven months’ time, though.
Rogues’ gallery #1
‘Thirty transfer deadline day deals that could happen for Premier League clubs’ shouted out the Daily Telegraph headline on Tuesday. Their contempt for readers’ intelligence truly does continue __with this gallery/URL fetish.
Of those 30, we’ll politely exclude Bryan Oviedo and Darron Gibson as their deals were completed the day before the gallery was published. We see you, Daily Telegraph.
It’s hardly any surprise that only three of the Telegraph’s 28 ‘could happen on Deadline Day’ signings actually happened when you look at their list of names.
Did Victor Lindelof join Manchester United? Did Tiemoue Bakayoko join Manchester United? Did Youri Tielemans join Manchester United? Did Hakan Calhanoglu join Manchester United? Did Kieran Tierney join Manchester United? Did Ashley Young leave Manchester United? Did Wayne Rooney leave Manchester United?
Does anyone think the Telegraph put far too many (rotten) eggs in their Old Trafford basket?
A reminder: They couldn’t give a toss about the accuracy, just so long as you click.
Rogues’ gallery #2
Sticking with the theme for one more moment, the Daily Telegraph also kept an updated list of the ‘top 100 targets in the January transfer window 2017’. It was, you will be shocked to discover, a gallery feature.
You may be less shocked to learn that of those 100 ‘targets’, only four left their clubs to join a team the Telegraph discussed: Manolo Gabbiadini, Dimitri Payet, Branislav Ivanovic and Robert Snodgrass. Jordan Rhodes might make it five.
Ask yourself why the Telegraph might have included Karim Benzema, Toby Alderweireld, Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, Marco Verratti, Neymar, Edinson Cavani, Romelu Lukaku, Thomas Muller and Ross Barkley on that list? Was it because they really thought there was a cat in hell’s chance that they would move? Was it balls.
Rating for Godot
As the dust settles on an already dusty Deadline Day, the Daily Mirror ask Neil Moxley to give each Premier League club a mark out of ten for their January transfer window.
Moxley starts by giving Arsenal a mark of 2/10, because ‘Arsene Wenger’s only signing [Cohen Bramall] says it all – uninspired’.
So, what marks do Manchester United (no signings), Liverpool (no signings), Tottenham (no signings), Manchester City (no signings – as Moxley writes, Gabriel Jesus’ transfer had already been arranged) and Chelsea (no signings) get? 6/10, 4/10, 3/10, 6/10 and 7/10, obviously. Better to make no signings than one cheap one, it seems.
The highest mark in the division is saved for Middlesbrough, naturally. They went for Bojan Krkic, Robert Snodgrass, Gerard Deulofeu and Jese Rodriguez and ended up with Adlene Guedioura, Pat Bamford and Rudy Gestede.
We’ll leave the final thoughts on that with ‘Boro manager Aitor Karanka: “Teams in our position are signing players for £14m – we are signing players that didn’t play in the Championship.”
Thaw point
‘To lose one game at Anfield is bad. Two is careless. Three is a crisis. A fourth on Tuesday, especially against nouveau riche rivals Chelsea, would be unforgivable’ – Neil Ashton, The Sun, January 31.
‘That has to mean something to Jurgen Klopp after three defeats on the spin at Anfield. A painful fourth, especially against the Blues, would have been borderline intolerable’ – Neil Ashton, The Sun, February 1.
Things are getting better all the time.
A wonderful Martin Samuel strawman
In the Daily Mail, Martin Samuel is angry at Championship clubs (he names Leeds United, Derby County, Norwich City and Huddersfield Town) for not signing Frank Lampard. Oh yes.
– Never mind that plenty of those sides have a balanced side playing in a particular style.
– Never mind that person inside your brain screaming the word ‘WAGES’ in an unacceptably loud voice.
– Never mind that Lampard might not have wanted to move to Huddersfield or Norwich; Frank doesn’t seem to have been given a choice in the matter.
– Never mind that Lampard himself said that “it’s late January now. To try to get fit and then get into a team and make a massive impact – I don’t feel I could give enough”.
Because Lampard could have been a ‘value-for-money recruit’, even if it ‘takes him a month to get fit’ and he would play ‘in the last 10 minutes of a match’, you see. Well, maybe you don’t see.
‘He had no compunction in playing for Manchester City when his time at Stamford Bridge was done. From there it is a short step to Elland Road, Pride Park or the McAlpine Stadium.’
From the richest club in the world to Huddersfield is just a step in footballing terms, of course. Maybe Lampard would even bother to learn the name of Huddersfield’s stadium given that it last changed in 2012 and hasn’t been the McAlpine Stadium since 2004?
The silliest thing (okay, not the silliest thing) about the entire column is the opening paragraph:
‘The transfer window came and went and Frank Lampard, for some reason, did not. There were the usual rash of loans, coups, panic buys, second chances and a whole heap of optimistic leaps in the dark familiar to January, but the most prolific midfielder of the Premier League era stayed put.’
Except that Lampard is a free agent, and thus not confined by the transfer window: He could still sign today or on any other day.
Nobody has even missed the chance that they didn’t want anyway.
Pressure, pushing down
Ever think we put too much pressure on footballers, particularly young ones? Ever suspect that it is too easy to build players up to then knock them down? Ever think this is in danger of suffocating young players, damaging their confidence?
There’s a reason Mediawatch asks that today; sometimes we’re not just bleating to make a noise. On Tuesday, Manchester City signed Nabol Touaizi from Valencia, a 15-year-old who has broken all sorts of goalscoring records in Valencia’s under-16 team.
By Tuesday afternoon, Mirror Football ran the following headline:
‘Are you sure, Pep? Video of Nabil Touaizi suggests he NEEDS to work on his finishing as Man City agree fee.’
‘We’d love to show you him hitting the back of the net with every shot, but unfortunately the above match footage tells a slightly different story,’ the story reads, with a video showing some of Touaizi’s misses.
Presumably, ‘journalist’ Jake Polden was writing Pulitzer prize-winning content at the age of 15.
Issues
‘Manchester United have issues at left-back and left wing ahead of Hull clash,’ reads the Manchester Evening News headline on Rob Dawson’s (quite reasonable) preview of Manchester United vs Hull City.
So what’s the issue? Has Anthony Martial buggered off to France? Has Marcus Rashford joined West Ham on loan without anyone mentioning it? Has Luke Shaw been let loose in Patisserie Valerie?
No. The ‘issues’ are that Jose Mourinho has a fully-fit squad. Somebody call 999.
Dream team
A note to The Sun on their dream team ratings (taken from WhoScored.com): Rounding 6.9 down to 6 and 7.8 down to 7 makes absolutely no sense at all. It also means that ten of Liverpool’s players against Chelsea were awarded a mark of 6 out of 10.
What makes even less sense is rounding Willian’s 6.0 down to a 5 while Diego Costa’s 6.0 stays as a 6. Baffling.
The glorious return of starwatch
‘Maidstone agree loan deal for Premier League star’ – Kent Online.
That’s Bournemouth’s Jake McCarthy, who has never played a first-team game for the club.
New rule: ‘Stars’ have to have Wikipedia pages.
Non-sequitur of the day
‘It has been noted that [BBC’s Dan] Walker, who never works on Sundays because of his religious beliefs, still finds time on the day of rest to post regular tweets’ – Charlie Sale, Daily Mail.
You’ll need to sit down for this one, Charlie, but Walker and other Christians also eat food, spend time with family and friends and occasionally go for long walks too. We know: Scum.
Recommended reading of the day
Mike Henson on Duncan Jenkins.
Nick Ames with Ahmed Elmohamady.
Adam Bate on N’Golo Kante.